On the Light Side ... Political Jokes [Archive] - RetrieverTraining.Net - the RTF

: On the Light Side ... Political Jokes

Gerry Clinchy
10-08-2009, 06:56 PM
I thought it could be a little fun to pass along the political jokes we all surely get in our email.

I thought this one was pretty good:

No nativity scene in Washington this year!

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the
United States' Capital this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason.

They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's
Capitol. A search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

10-09-2009, 07:31 AM

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers.


"Mrs. Sanders, please."


"Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but the new health care system will only pay for these expensive tests just one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now? "

"The folks at Obama health care recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
FIX PS3 (http://fixps3.info/)

10-09-2009, 09:51 AM
A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush’s home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.
They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse's ass."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Tex as drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

Gerry Clinchy
10-14-2009, 09:26 AM
Driving down my local road yesterday, one house had a Halloween display.

Out in front was a "graveyard". One of the tombstones had on it: "Obama Voter" :-)

Was only paying casual attention, so didn't catch what the other tombstones said. Surely didn't expect a political statement on a Hallloween display!

Wonder if the homeowner was an O voter or for "the opposition"?

10-15-2009, 06:08 AM
A Cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainouspasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him
out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglassesand YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give mea calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefullygrazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car,

whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connectsit to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone,
surfs to a NASA page on theInternet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on hislocation
which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans thearea in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop
andexports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the imagehas been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses an MS-SQLdatabase through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on hisBlackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer,
turns to the cowboy and says, "Youhave exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on withamusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly whatyour business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, whynot?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.
"You showed up here eventhough nobody called you;
you want to get paid for an answer I alreadyknew,
to a question I never asked.
You used millions of dollars worth ofequipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are;
and youdon't know a thing about how working people make a living -
or aboutcows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep...

Now give me back my dog.

10-15-2009, 08:17 AM
I bought a new GMC Sierra and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,
'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck,

but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, 'Ass Hole!'

Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States."
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10-15-2009, 08:18 AM
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis & Leroy replied, ?Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly
grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made

a profit of $898."

The farmer said, "My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we
gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They're overseeing the Bailout Program.
Avandia lawsuit information (http://www.classactionsettlements.org/lawsuit/avandia/)

Gerry Clinchy
10-16-2009, 12:43 PM
Breaking news!
> * **Obama wins the Heisman Trophy after watching a college football
> game!!!*

Sorry for having some of these partisan ... but it is the norm that a sitting Pres usually ends up being the butt of lots of comedy ... just goes with the territory.

10-17-2009, 02:16 PM
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he
noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and
asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought for a moment, then replied, "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had
ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the Theory of Relativity, inter-steller
space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc.

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a
different tack. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and
asked what he would have?

"A martini please."

Again it was superb. The robot again asked, "What is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh about 100." So the robot started discussing
NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers
to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.
Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out, "Uh... 'bout 50."

The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,







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Gerry Clinchy
10-18-2009, 01:52 PM
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
* If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:
1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

So- go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you meet at a yard sale, and drink beer!

Gerry Clinchy
10-22-2009, 12:50 PM
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too
qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; have you had any
actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied.

"I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."

10-26-2009, 06:21 AM
Self Portrait

Best Temperature For Extreme Q (http://vaporizer.org/reviews)

Roger Perry
10-26-2009, 07:28 AM
"In competing speeches today, President Obama said the U.S. went off course with practices like waterboarding. Cheney retaliated by saying he doesn't regret any of the decisions he made, and if he had to do it all over again, he would order President Bush to do exactly the same thing.

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

10-26-2009, 07:48 AM
A headline in the NEWS!

President Barrack Obama watched a college football game this weekend, and has been awarded the Heisman Trophy! Hurrah!!!


Roger Perry
10-26-2009, 09:35 AM
sorry double post

Roger Perry
10-26-2009, 09:36 AM
See if you can out shoot Cheney on a quail hunt.


10-26-2009, 11:06 AM
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, ?Let?s talk. I?ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.?

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, ?What would you like to talk about??

?Oh, I don?t know,? said the Obama. ?How about What Changes I Should Make To America?? and he smiles.

?OK,? she says. ?That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff ? grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is??

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl?s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, ?Hmmm, I have no idea.?

To which the little girl replies, ?Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don?t know sh*t??
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Roger Perry
10-26-2009, 11:44 AM
Bush Presidential Library

There's a show on C-SPAN about presidential libraries. Here're what the draft plans for the George W. Bush Library now call for:

The Alberto Gonzales Room - Where you can't remember any of the exhibits.

The Hurricane Katrina Room - It's still under construction.

The Texas Air National Guard Room - Where you don't have to even show up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room - Where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room - Where they don't let you out.

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room - Nobody has been able to find it.

The War in Iraq Room - After you complete your first tour, they can force you to go back for your second and third and fourth and fifth tours.

The K-Street Project Gift Shop - Where you can buy an election, or, if no one cares, steal one.

The Men's Room - Where you could meet a Republican Senator (or two).

To be fair, the President has done some good things, and so the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate them.

When asked, President Bush said that he didn't care so much about the individual exhibits as long as his museum was better than his father's.

Gerry Clinchy
10-26-2009, 03:04 PM
Someone mentioned today, there was some benefit to the Cash For Clunkers program. It got a lot of Obama bumper stickers off the road.

10-26-2009, 03:22 PM
Someone mentioned today, there was some benefit to the Cash For Clunkers program. It got a lot of Obama bumper stickers off the road.

Gerry Clinchy
10-28-2009, 02:27 PM
OK. I think I get it.
Let me see if I understand all this....






Oh well sure. That makes perfect sense.

Gerry Clinchy
10-29-2009, 02:18 PM
This one has been circulating for months. Please, keep it going!

To show your SUPPORT for Obama's health care reform, please go the end of the list and add your name to the rapidly growing list below and send it on to your entire e-mail list.

1. Nancy Pelosi

Julie R.
10-29-2009, 02:55 PM
This one has been circulating for months. Please, keep it going!

To show your SUPPORT for Obama's health care reform, please go the end of the list and add your name to the rapidly growing list below and send it on to your entire e-mail list.

1. Nancy Pelosi
2.Harry Reid
3. dnf77
4. Roger Perry
5. Yardley

There. Fixed it for ya ;-)

11-04-2009, 06:26 AM

Roger Perry
11-04-2009, 07:14 AM
Bush jokes about new life

Afp, New Delhi
Former US president George W Bush stepped briefly back into the limelight on Saturday, using a conference speech in New Delhi to defend his record and to crack jokes about his retirement.
Bush chose an annual gathering of business leaders in India, a country where his reputation rode high throughout his time in power, to make a rare public appearance nine months after leaving office.
"I have a different life now," Bush, 63, said wryly. "I am an old, retired guy."
Reflecting on how his status had changed, he said he recently visited a hardware store in Texas that had offered him a job as a "greeter" who stands outside to welcome customers.
He said that inside the store a man came up to him and asked if anyone had ever told him that he looked just like George W Bush.
Bush said he replied that it happened a lot, and the man said: "Gosh, that must make you mad."

11-04-2009, 08:26 AM
Bush jokes about new life

Afp, New Delhi
Former US president George W Bush stepped briefly back into the limelight on Saturday, using a conference speech in New Delhi to defend his record and to crack jokes about his retirement.
Bush chose an annual gathering of business leaders in India, a country where his reputation rode high throughout his time in power, to make a rare public appearance nine months after leaving office.
"I have a different life now," Bush, 63, said wryly. "I am an old, retired guy."
Reflecting on how his status had changed, he said he recently visited a hardware store in Texas that had offered him a job as a "greeter" who stands outside to welcome customers.
He said that inside the store a man came up to him and asked if anyone had ever told him that he looked just like George W Bush.
Bush said he replied that it happened a lot, and the man said: "Gosh, that must make you mad."

Okay, that's funny.:p

Apparently, he turned down the position as door greeter because he couldn't negotiate enough paid vacation days.

Sorry. Couldn't help it.

Equal Opportunity Offender regards,

11-04-2009, 08:50 AM
Bill Clinton was recently flying to a speech/fund-raiser when the pilots recognized him and invited him up to the cockpit. Being the affable guy he is, he ended up staying and cajoling with the pilots. The captian excused himself from the conversation to make an intercom announcement that they are at 30,000' and will be landing on time in a couple hours. He inadvertently left the mike open afterwards and their conversation turned to what they're going to do when the land. Bill said he wanted to take a huge $h!t after all day travelling, then "have his way" with the young flight attendant from the coach section of the plane. She, having heard this over the cabin speakers, ran forward to alert the crew that everyone could hear them over the speakers! She ran so hard she tripped and fell in the aisle. An elderly gentleman leaned over and said, "take it easy honey, he hasn't even been to the lav yet!"

Richard Halstead
11-05-2009, 11:22 AM
In 1973 a Czech astronomer observed a comet speeding toward Earth and named was named after the discoverer Kohoutek. A lot of excitement about this deep cycle comet and was going to hsppen.

Fast forward to the Novemer 2008 Presidentiial election with Barrack Obamma winning the election and the promise of the prsidency. Considerable celabration and fanfare followed. Not since the comet had there been such excitement.

After one year after the election the same can be said for the comet and the President.

Neither one were as bright as what we thought they would be.

11-05-2009, 11:46 AM
After 10 months in office Barrack Obama has replaced his slogan of 'Hope & Change' with "Boy, this is freaking hard!"

Conan O'Brian

Roger Perry
11-06-2009, 12:50 PM

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

Gerry Clinchy
11-07-2009, 10:43 AM
Maxine's Opinion ...
Let me get this straight.

...we're going to pass a health care plan

written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it,

passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it,

to be signed by a president that also hasn't read it and who smokes,

with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes,

all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,

and financed by a country that's nearly broke.

What could possibly go wrong?

Roger Perry
11-07-2009, 11:58 AM
The Coded Message
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:


Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

Uncle Bill
11-07-2009, 01:27 PM
Who said..."Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too frequently they get elected!"

Was he also the first to coin the phrase: "Jumping through hoops"?


Gerry Clinchy
11-24-2009, 08:57 AM
Here's one we can all laugh at (or weep?) Truly bi-partisan!
If a man yells, "You Lie!" in a roomful of politicians,
How do they know who he's talking to?
Good bumper stickers?

If Al Qaeda wants to destroy America,
They better hurry
Before Obama beats them to it.
Actually, no one owes you crap.
"Fairness" is not giving my money
to lazy people.
Don't spread my wealth.
Spread my work ethic.
You think health care is expensive now?
Just wait until it's free!
Try being informed,
Instead of just opinionated.
Government doesn't work.
Please return my taxes!

Roger Perry
11-24-2009, 11:40 AM




Roger Perry
11-24-2009, 11:47 AM

Richard Halstead
11-24-2009, 01:53 PM
The Obama motorcade was traveling to the site of his next health care speech. He spotted little Sally with a sign offering newborn kittens for Sale.

The President thinks it might make a good photo opportunity, so he asks Sally about her kittens.

Why they are all democrat, says Sally.

Obama wants the press corps to get photos and hear the question.

When the motorcade returns Obama sees Sally and the sign for kittens.

What kind of kittens are for Sale?

Sally responds Republicans and Independents.

Obama starts to stutter, Wha Wha What you said Democrats yesterday!

Sally says, But now their eyes are Open!

Roger Perry
11-25-2009, 06:58 AM
George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.
"You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
"You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.
"Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."

Gerry Clinchy
12-10-2009, 12:16 AM
Campaign Sign:

Fight organized crime:
re-elect no one

12-11-2009, 07:41 PM
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.

America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.

If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and It started to sink, who would be saved? .... America !

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

12-15-2009, 11:08 AM
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, 'Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so naturally, it's a local call.'

Gerry Clinchy
11-06-2010, 08:48 AM
This video may explain why it takes so long for Congress to get things done.


Gerry Clinchy
11-06-2010, 09:02 AM

This video was just before the election in 2008. Bi-partisan, it takes shots at the wingnut elements of both sides.

Gerry Clinchy
11-06-2010, 09:18 AM

All of us should be able to appreciate this one! What's the difference between the two major political parties?

Gerry Clinchy
11-06-2010, 11:33 AM
Investment strategy

A few thoughts on investments - just a little inside info.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you
will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have
$33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you
will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the
beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have
received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol
a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the

Makes you proud to be an American !

Remember: I don't make this stuff up; I just pass it along.