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luvmylabs23139
10-27-2009, 10:19 AM
How does one keep the peace in the family as I have been requested to do by my mother who is in her 70's when there is absolutely no way I will accept my brother's new wife who as far as I am concerned shoukld not be allowed into the country.
I have few details as everyone knows I oppose anyone getting into the country on a fiance visa.
My brother just got some chinese into the country and he just married her.
I have not and will not meet her. We live in defferent states.
This really sucks!

BonMallari
10-27-2009, 10:39 AM
If I may offer this bit of family advice...dont let your personal morality or political values come between you and a family member...I have seen it happen in my family but with the subject being a gay nephew marrying his lifestyle partner..the jokes might make you snicker and smile but the tension at family reunions and the occasional misspoken barb escalates into nose to nose name calling and irreparable hostilities..try and find some common ground for all concerned

YardleyLabs
10-27-2009, 10:54 AM
How does one keep the peace in the family as I have been requested to do by my mother who is in her 70's when there is absolutely no way I will accept my brother's new wife who as far as I am concerned shoukld not be allowed into the country.
I have few details as everyone knows I oppose anyone getting into the country on a fiance visa.
My brother just got some chinese into the country and he just married her.
I have not and will not meet her. We live in defferent states.
This really sucks!
As every parent learns along the way, you must accept your child's choice for a life partner or lose your child. The same is true for all other family members. By rejecting your brother's choice of a spouse, you are rejecting your brother. If you want to know the source of the split, look in the mirror. It is completely legal for a person to enter the country to marry a citizen and completely moral as well. My daughter married a British citizen who is now naturalized. I helped many of my staff to bring their fiances into the country so they could marryand I was happy to do so.

dnf777
10-27-2009, 10:57 AM
You are who you are, and others are who they are. YOU can choose to accept them or not. Trying to change others to meet your standards of acceptance rarely has good outcomes.

ducknwork
10-27-2009, 11:55 AM
I could not reject my brother due to something that, in the grand scheme of things, seems a little petty. Are you really that staunch in your beliefs that you are willing to hurt your own brother and make yourself look like an ass in the process?

I am completely, 100% opposed to abortion, but if a family member decided to have one, I would still claim them and associate with them, as they are blood.

You can believe what you want to believe, but your beliefs are not justification for treating someone badly. Which is worse: Having a foreign spouse or rejecting your own flesh and blood over something seemingly small?

:2c:
________
SUZUKI FR80 (http://www.suzuki-tech.com/wiki/Suzuki_fr80)

luvmylabs23139
10-27-2009, 12:07 PM
As every parent learns along the way, you must accept your child's choice for a life partner or lose your child. The same is true for all other family members. By rejecting your brother's choice of a spouse, you are rejecting your brother. If you want to know the source of the split, look in the mirror. It is completely legal for a person to enter the country to marry a citizen and completely moral as well. My daughter married a British citizen who is now naturalized. I helped many of my staff to bring their fiances into the country so they could marryand I was happy to do so.
Hey, if he married a Brit, it wouldn't phase me in the least. He and I both have American and British citizenship. Kind of complicated, involving Dad working for the UK gov't and being transferred to the US many years ago and basically doing the same job. But he married a communist!
I worry that she used him to get into the country.

dnf777
10-27-2009, 12:17 PM
I don't know ANY details, but maybe, just maybe, he loves her? And maybe, just maybe she loves freedom as much or possibly more than you do, being from an oppressive country? So Brits are ok, but not Chinese? How about Italians? Polish? Eastern Europeans? I'm not sure that you're looking for advice (Retriever Forum seems like an odd place for family counseling) as much as looking to receive validation of prejudices you seem to be struggling with. Only place you're likely to find answers is in the mirror, like was mentioned.

Buzz
10-27-2009, 12:25 PM
Over the years, I worked with several engineers that came from communist countries. Over-all, they seemed to be by far more patriotic than nearly any natural born American I'd ever met. My guess was that they had a greater appreciation for this country than those who have never known anything else.

ducknwork
10-27-2009, 01:56 PM
Over the years, I worked with several engineers that came from communist countries. Over-all, they seemed to be by far more patriotic than nearly any natural born American I'd ever met. My guess was that they had a greater appreciation for this country than those who have never known anything else.

Kinda like a pound puppy or a previously abused dog? They make GREAT pets. They do seem to really appreciate what they have.
________
Ym2151 (http://www.yamaha-tech.com/wiki/Yamaha_YM2151)

luvmylabs23139
10-28-2009, 10:15 AM
I don't know ANY details, but maybe, just maybe, he loves her? And maybe, just maybe she loves freedom as much or possibly more than you do, being from an oppressive country? So Brits are ok, but not Chinese? How about Italians? Polish? Eastern Europeans? I'm not sure that you're looking for advice (Retriever Forum seems like an odd place for family counseling) as much as looking to receive validation of prejudices you seem to be struggling with. Only place you're likely to find answers is in the mirror, like was mentioned.

As far as anyone in the family knows he had spent a total of 2 weeks (2 one week escapades actually in her presence both in that commie country. So you tell me, real love???? I highly doubt it.
Of course it doesn't help the situation that I am really good friends with his Ex of more than 10 years!

YardleyLabs
10-28-2009, 10:41 AM
As far as anyone in the family knows he had spent a total of 2 weeks (2 one week escapades actually in her presence both in that commie country. So you tell me, real love???? I highly doubt it.
Of course it doesn't help the situation that I am really good friends with his Ex of more than 10 years!
Maybe you should get back to letting him pick his own wife. It was up to him to decide whether or not to get married. I would give him credit for having made his decision for his own reasons, not because he was somehow duped. I suspect that you would not appreciate him second guessing your decisions in such matters. In the meantime, you could always ask his ex out on a date. At one point I dated my ex's brother's ex. I described her as my sister in law twice removed. It was a little confusing for my kids, but otherwise worked out well until we both moved on after a few years.

Hoosier
10-28-2009, 10:47 AM
As far as anyone in the family knows he had spent a total of 2 weeks (2 one week escapades actually in her presence both in that commie country. So you tell me, real love???? I highly doubt it.
Of course it doesn't help the situation that I am really good friends with his Ex of more than 10 years!

Just accept it, and move on. If you're right about her, you'll know soon enough. It's a done deal as far as your brother is concerned.

It's not like she is in the country illegally, and most Chinese people I have met are very respectful, hard working folks.

Now, my sister and law married an illegal Mexican, who can't speak three words of English. I think it would be illegal for me to have him over for Christmas dinner (harboring), and I refuse to be a criminal. :rolleyes:

Hoosier
10-28-2009, 10:49 AM
At one point I dated my ex's brother's ex. I described her as my sister in law twice removed. It was a little confusing for my kids, but otherwise worked out well until we both moved on after a few years.

So what part of Tennessee are you from Jeff?

YardleyLabs
10-28-2009, 11:03 AM
So what part of Tennessee are you from Jeff?
East Tennessee (Oak Ridge), civilized, but still with a touch of the hills in my soul.;-)

Hoosier
10-28-2009, 11:21 AM
East Tennessee (Oak Ridge), civilized, but still with a touch of the hills in my soul.;-)

I can relate

luvmylabs23139
10-28-2009, 06:19 PM
In the meantime, you could always ask his ex out on a date. .

WHat??????
1. I'm female

2. That is just sick and disgusting.

3. I'm married.

4. Again that is disgusting.
5. disgusting and immoral

Hew
10-28-2009, 06:31 PM
Both times I went to China I fell in love with two different girls. It happens. Brought them both home to America, too. Lots of paperwork and hassle but it was all worth it.

dnf777
10-28-2009, 06:41 PM
WHat??????
1. I'm female

2. That is just sick and disgusting.

3. I'm married.

4. Again that is disgusting.
5. disgusting and immoral

Wow....that opens up a whole new dimension to this thread! Most likely to get it locked if pursued though, unfortunately! :razz:

dnf777
10-28-2009, 06:45 PM
At one point I dated my ex's brother's ex. I described her as my sister in law twice removed. It was a little confusing for my kids, but otherwise worked out well until we both moved on after a few years.

That's considered "expanding the gene pool" in western Pa!

Like the old joke goes....after the divorce, the man said to the wife, "we can still be cousins..." :rolleyes:

YardleyLabs
10-28-2009, 09:25 PM
WHat??????
1. I'm female

2. That is just sick and disgusting.

3. I'm married.

4. Again that is disgusting.
5. disgusting and immoral
When you sign yourself luvmylabs23139, don't expect anyone to necessarily know your gender or your marital status. As to whether or not it's moral, it depends on perspective and personal choice -- sort of like picking a spouse.

Terry Britton
10-28-2009, 09:51 PM
I would suggest a class on Global Competitive Environment (in it now) and some classes on cultural diversity, then get back to this thread.

Who cares in the long run if she makes your brother happy? I have known people to date 2 weeks, and get married to still be married 20 years later while those that date 3 years and then divorce 6 months after the wedding.

ducknwork
10-29-2009, 07:13 AM
Who cares in the long run if she makes your brother happy? I have known people to date 2 weeks, and get married to still be married 20 years later while those that date 3 years and then divorce 6 months after the wedding.

I knew after two weeks that my wife and I would get married. Perhaps it's the same with luv's bro.
________
Cumshot girl (http://www.fucktube.com/categories/491/girl/videos/1)

WRL
10-29-2009, 11:39 AM
Both times I went to China I fell in love with two different girls. It happens. Brought them both home to America, too. Lots of paperwork and hassle but it was all worth it.

Yeah but that is communism that's MORMON! ;)

Give those girls a big hug! They grow up way too fast.

WRL