Monday morning humor (non political) [Archive] - RetrieverTraining.Net - the RTF

: Monday morning humor (non political)

Roger Perry
11-29-2010, 10:07 AM
A young man received a parrot as a gift. The

parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious

and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to

change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only

polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could

think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the

parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation,

threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the

freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked

and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened

the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out

onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I

may have offended you with my rude language and

actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my

inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do

everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a

dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, very

softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in

the parish.

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen

to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few

words while they waited, 'I got my first impression of the parish from

the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a

terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told

me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police,

was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his

parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's

wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was

appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not

all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good

and loving people.'

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of

apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the

presentation and gave his talk, 'I'll never forget the first day our

parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honor

of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late