Immigrant Humor [Archive] - RetrieverTraining.Net - the RTF

: Immigrant Humor

Marvin S
08-23-2011, 05:50 PM
Lynden, WA is the home of the NW WA fair. Lynden is a farming community with a lot of hard working folks. This is a blurb sent into the Bellingham Herald after a shooting with injuries, at the fair, on Saturday night just before closing.

"Hopefully Lynden can learn from this tragedy & adapt to the cultural diversity that includes a fair that offers rides & attractions that invite participation from Gang Bangers so they feel inclusive in the fun & activities.

Perhaps they could have their own midway with games such as Russian Roulette or blindfold them with a red or blue bandana (respective of their gang association of course) & let them swing away a a live explosive Pinata. or my favorite Bobbing for Hand Grenades.

Other attractions could be Amnesty Alley, where they enter on one side, work their way through a maze & emerge on the other side with a forged SS number, a drivers license, health insurance, housing vouchers & voting privileges.

How about the Rio Run, where they have to climb a fence, swim across an artificial river with their pregnant wife & children, & on the other side are rewarded with citizenship, free education & college tuition ---fun for the whole family.

I'd like to see the Droopy Drawers race where rival gangs race 100 yards with their pants around their knees while being chased by LE without falling down & the winner gets a free belt.

One would have to offer the Graffiti Wall of Interpretation, where fair attendees have to guess what the he!! the tagging means & associated gang affiliation.

Of course the real fun would come with the Tunnel to Freedom in which contestants are given a shovel, a kilo of coke & must dig their way under the 4-H barns. Should they emerge short, under Susie Van Hoof's pig sty, they are greeted by 1/2 a dozen rednecks with side arms & must avoid live fire before they can skittle their way back to safety.

It's this kind of thoughtfulness towards embracing their culture that might make everyone feel at home at the Fair & those hoodlums might not feel so isolated, & their pent up machismo could find a release in enjoying a nice sunny day at the new & inclusive Fairgrounds!"

The shooter was 15 years old :(.

Uncle Bill
08-23-2011, 06:44 PM
This may not be in the same ballpark, but in this day and age, you may get a chuckle out of this. Might cause Buzz to grin, eh?




Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations!

1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shootin. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive- by before he gotta reload?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Marvin S
08-26-2011, 11:09 AM
An update - the local DA got $1 mil bail to be sure it wasn't made. If bail had been made the INS would have arrested him & deported him, letting him off scot free.