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If they only knew

1K views 5 replies 6 participants last post by  Blklab 
#1 ·
Posted Low on the Refrigerator
>
>
> Even if you don't have pets, this is still pretty funny.
> The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
>
> Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain
> your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a
paw
> print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
> becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in
> the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
me
> to
> the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
> faster
> than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about
> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your
> comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
they
> sleep.. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
> stretched
> out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
> straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to
maximize
> space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some
> miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under
> the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same

> door
> I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline
> attendance is not required.
>
> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
other
> dog
> or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
>
> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
on
> the
> front door:
>
> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS :
>
> (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on

> your
> clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'-niture.
> (3)
> I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.. (4) To you,
they
> are
> animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy,

> walk
> on all fours and don't speak clearly.
>
> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat
less,
> (2)
> don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4)
normally
> come
> when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with
> drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear
your
> clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a
> gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can
sell
> their children
 
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#2 ·
Hilarious!
 
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