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Thread: Job Application - GDG

  1. #1
    Senior Member Cleo Watson's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Location
    Tylertown, MS
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    Default Job Application - GDG

    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
    They hired him because he was so funny.....

    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
    will cooperate)

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
    whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
    applying here in the first place

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
    style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
    haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
    post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
    intimate environment .

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
    TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
    you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
    winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
    On my breaks - yes!

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
    fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
    thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.


    ***Old People Rock! ***
    A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

  2. #2
    Senior Member lynette's Avatar
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    Jun 2005
    Location
    Fernyhills, Queensland
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    546

    Default

    That is so good I'm going to have to print it out
    beauty fades, but dumb is forever. (Judge Judy)

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