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Thread: YOU might be a liberal.......GDG

  1. #1
    Senior Member Bob Gutermuth's Avatar
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    Aug 2004
    Transchoptankia, DEMOCRATIC Peoples Republic of Maryland

    Default YOU might be a liberal.......GDG

    With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...
    * You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.
    * You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.
    * You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.
    * You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.
    * You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."
    * You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.
    * You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.
    * You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.

    * You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.
    * You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the National Guard, but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the military and probably couldn't find either country on a map without help.
    * You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.
    * You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.
    * You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.
    * You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.
    * You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.
    * You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.
    * You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.
    * You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.
    * You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.
    * You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.
    * You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.
    * You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.
    * You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an American.
    * You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.
    by John Hawkins, August 15, 2008

    Bob Gutermuth
    Canvasback Chesapeakes

  2. #2
    Senior Member JDogger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    MRGV New Mexico


    You Might Be A Conservative...

    You might be a conservative if...
    • You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
    • You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two."
    • You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
    • You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"
    • You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
    • You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
    • You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
    • The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
    • You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
    • You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
    • You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
    • You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
    • You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
    • You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
    • You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
    • You answer to "The Man."
    • You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
    • You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
    • You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
    • You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...
    • You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
    • You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
    • When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
    • You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
    • You think Birkenstok was that radical rock concert in 1969.
    • You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
    • Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
    • You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
    • You've ever said "civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties."
    • You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
    • You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
    • You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."
    • You've ever called education a luxury.
    • You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
    • You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
    • You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
    • You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
    • You're afraid of the "liberal media."
    • You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
    • You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
    • You think all artists are gay.
    • You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
    • You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
    • You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
    One cannot reason someone out of something they were not reasoned into. - Jonathan Swift

  3. #3
    Senior Member JDogger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    MRGV New Mexico


    And more....

    You Might Be a Conservative
    by Chris Gladish

    You might be a conservative if:

    * You watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches "Barney
    and Friends"

    * You believe an adulterer who served his wife divorce papers while she
    was in the hospital and later had to be taken to court for lack of child
    support payments named Newt when he talks about how he's for "Family

    * You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous
    conservative political TV/radio talk shows.

    * You have a bumper sticker that says "Insured by Smith and Wessen"

    * You believe the hole in the ozone layer to be a myth created by crazy

    * You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals.

    * You fervently speak about the evils of marijuana at social gatherings
    with a vodka straight in hand.

    * You believe the Constitution states the Christianity is our official

    * You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television...
    oops, my mistake... that's "You might be Newt Gingrinch if.."

    * You think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.

    * If you fit any of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..."

    * You believe every man, woman, child and fetus should be armed to the
    teeth with AK-47's, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon

    * You actually believe that people actually own AK-47's for "hunting

    * You have faith in idiotic economic policies such as "trickle down

    * You don't see why everyone's so down on Mark Fuhrman.

    * You think that Michaelangelo's David should be wearing boxers at the

    * The hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.

    * You have a button that says "I'm not prejudice, I hate everyone"

    * You can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of
    thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L's

    * Your main source for news is an egocentric man named Rush who distorts
    facts consistantly to fit his views and opinions.

    * You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for
    the Republican party (perhaps Bonzo's free)

    * Your response to anything Bill Clinton says includes a reference to
    Arkansas hillbillies.

    * You still attempt to defend Dan Quayle's intelligence.

    * You get offended if someone is unusually quiet on the way to a funeral...
    oops, sorry, my fault again... thats another "You might be Newt

    * You refuse to talk to your sister because she's a lesbian... dangit,
    sorry...once again, another "You might be Newt..."

    * You obsessively impose your own morality upon others.

    * You wish to ammend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag

    * You wish to rewrite the first ammendment to make desecration of the
    flag illegal.

    * You wish to rewrite the first commandment to make desecration of the
    flag illegal (and here, you thought you were such a good Christian...)

    * You believe that if parents and teachers don't mention sex to a child
    until s/he is 25, then s/he won't even know it exists until then.

    * You think Clarence Thomas is a good spokesman for the black community.

    * You must first don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.

    * You attribute the lack of close families to Murphy Brown.

    * You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun
    in the house (doesn't matter if it's hidden.. your kid knows where it
    is, trust me.)

    * You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I
    suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)

    * You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and
    political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they

    and finally...

    * You believed anything on the previous "You might be a liberal if..." list.

    Wow! there's a bottomless well of this stuff on the net.


    One cannot reason someone out of something they were not reasoned into. - Jonathan Swift

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Pac NW


    Bob - thanks for posting - Have to show this to the Obama lovers.

    JDogger - have you read the "Bell Curve"? If you had you wouldn't post that comment.

    Marvin S

    Everyone's friend is No One's friend

    Someday your life will flash before your eyes. It's your responsibility to make sure it's worth watching!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Nor_Cal_Angler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Pittsburg, Ca


    jdogger...i think you may have a crush on NEWT....come on admit


  6. #6
    Senior Member Greg E's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008


    Bob, thanks for posting. Alot of interesting facts.

  7. #7
    Senior Member JDogger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    MRGV New Mexico


    Quote Originally Posted by Marvin S View Post
    JDogger - have you read the "Bell Curve"? If you had you wouldn't post that comment.
    No Marvin, I have not read The Bell Curve, but I am aware of its content and its surrounding controversy. I cut and pasted that list from the internet with as much thought to its veracity as I'm sure Bob gave to his.
    I believe Bob posted his list in good humor. As I did mine.

    Don't be so serious,

    One cannot reason someone out of something they were not reasoned into. - Jonathan Swift

  8. #8
    Senior Member Legacy 6's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008


    The difference between the conservative and liberal lists are the following:

    "You might be a Liberal if" states facts about things that are going on now, true extreme examples of true extreme cases and many of those examples are surrounding the anarchist Obama. Anyone remember the first time(s) GW Bush ran for President? The Liberals called him inexperienced... how many years had he been involved in the government at that point? Hate to say it, but when the underachiever in the family is only a State Governer, that's a hell of a family.

    "You might be a conservative" are mostly examples of extreme conservatives... and a few are about as fake and BS as I can think of... example: You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals. What fricken Conservative thinks the Holocaust was staged??

    Then of course there is this one: "You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for the Republican party." Unless I'm crazy, and I might be, this is refering to Reagan, one fo the best modern US presidents. Now to be fair, we could bring in the fact that BHO is on the phone getting political and policy advice from George Clooney. He's not out of work, but much less qualified than even BHO to be giving advice to anyone.

    What I mean is the "conservative" examples are examples of extremists, and the "liberals" list are extremist examples surrounding the leading Democratic Party candidate for the President of the United States... I would think that BHO would want someone a little more qualified to give him advice...?
    Last edited by Legacy 6; 08-16-2008 at 02:32 PM. Reason: clarity
    Legacy 6

    Legacy's Lady Jade "Jade" (d. 23JUNE08)
    Legacy's Tallgrass of Natoma "Natti"

  9. #9
    Senior Member AmiableLabs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Wheaton, IL


    Jdogger, on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is a complete fabrication, and 10 is 100% accurate, how would you rate Bob's list as far as being an accurate portrayal of liberals?
    Kevin Walker

    Drive is the manifestation of Desire, and measured in Style.
    Thank you judges who score Style, you are preserving Desire!

  10. #10
    Senior Member JDogger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    MRGV New Mexico


    Last edited by Legacy 6 : Today at 01:08 PM. Reason: clarity

    Well now, that really clarified things, didn't it?

    the "liberals" list is mostly examples surrounding the leading Democratic Party candidate for the President of the United States

    Obama is mentioned once.

    Humorous, both lists are meant to be humorous. Hyperbole is one facet of humor. In both lists.

    One cannot reason someone out of something they were not reasoned into. - Jonathan Swift

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