Good morning, hillbilly mouth-breathers! How are we today? Did we put our shoes on the correct feet and wipe all the drool off our faces before heading outside to plant turnips and whup our kids? Good, good.
Now go find a Democrat to help you read the rest of this post. I’ll try not to use words that are too big or fancy but if you come across something you don’t understand, your Democrat friend is right there to explain everything.
I’ve been concerned ever since I ran the reader poll that showed me that 95% of you are ignorant racists with sexual inadequacies. The world told you what to do but you won’t listen and I guess that’s because you’re just too dumb to know how dumb you are.
Well, thank God for Barack Obama and Joe Biden. They hope to bring the change you can believe in - if you can just try really hard to put down the guns and Bibles and burning crosses long enough to take some learnin’.
The first step is to only listen to the “correct” political commentary. Obama, last summer:
The one thing that I want to insist on is that, as I travel around the country, the American people are a decent people. Now they get confused sometimes. You know, they listen to the wrong talk radio shows or watch the wrong TV networks, um, but they’re, they’re basically decent, they’re basically sound.
See, you’re good folks but you just don’t know what’s good for you. You listen to Rush Limbaugh, and that is wrong. You watch Fox News Channel, also wrong.
Now, he wasn’t clear on which radio or TV shows are the “right” ones to watch, but I’m guessing they would include all the ones who are blatantly and unapologetically in the tank for Mr. Obama himself. You’re too stupid and confused to know it, but that would be ALL OF THEM EXCEPT FOX. Your Democrat helper-friend can show you how to use your TV channel menus and radio tuning dial to find those. Try not to get any poop or slobber on those devices during your lesson.
As for why you’re so confused and misguided, well it’s simple. Mr. Biden explained it yesterday:
The Republican party and some of the blogs and others on the far right, are trying very hard to paint a picture of this man, they’re trying the best as they can to mischaracterize who he is and what he stands for.
All this stuff about how different Barack Obama is, they’re not just used to somebody really smart. They’re just not used to somebody who’s really well educated. They just don’t know quite how to handle it. Cause if he’s as smart as Barack is he must not be from my neighborhood.
Ain’t that the plum truth? I personally have never met anyone as smart or as educated as Barack Obama. Why, in my immediate family there are only two master degrees, one college professor, two engineers, one licensed P.A. (high-level medical professional), and one director of an honors math department. So, no, I just can’t handle someone like Barack with all his education and brains. It’s completely beyond my scope of understanding and it is yours, too. Don’t get confused by Sean Hannity and go thinking otherwise.
(That would be racist.)
You know who is smart enough to handle Barack? This douche, I mean genius on the Huffington Post:
…if you are a McCain/Palin/Bush voter, you and I do not have a difference of opinion. We have a difference in brain power.
Now, I want to be clear and speak directly to those of you who LOVED that Palin interview. You’re an idiot. I mean that.
…if you watched those interview excerpts and weren’t scared out of your freakin’ mind, then you’re mentally ill, mentally disabled, or mentally disturbed. What you are NOT is responsible, informed, curious, thoughtful, mature, educated, empathetic, or remotely serious. I mean it.
…Stop voting for people who remind you of your neighbor. Stop voting for the ideologically intransigent, the staggeringly ignorant, and the blazingly incompetent.
Vote for someone smarter than you.
Clearly, Huffington Post is one of the “correct” avenues from which you should be getting your information.
Well, morons, I hope this has been helpful. Frankly, I’m surprised so many dummies are even able to access my blog, seeing as how it requires taking your finger out of your booger-laden nose long enough to wield a mouse. If you’re like me, you had to have a Democrat turn on the computer for you and show you where to click.
In fact a Democrat is typing this for me right now because I’m so confused about how to handle Obama’s staggering genius that I’ve curled into the fetal position and am sucking my thumb, which I only stop doing long enough to shout out the N-word and ask for some juice and Froot Loops. After I’ve been fed, my Democrat is going to read aloud from Daily Kos for me until it’s time for my nap.
LINK to original article.