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Thread: If they only knew

  1. #1

    Default If they only knew

    Posted Low on the Refrigerator
    >
    >
    > Even if you don't have pets, this is still pretty funny.
    > The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
    >
    > Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
    contain
    > your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a
    paw
    > print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
    > becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
    in
    > the slightest.
    >
    > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
    me
    > to
    > the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
    > faster
    > than you can run.
    >
    > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
    about
    > this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
    your
    > comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
    they
    > sleep.. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
    > stretched
    > out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
    > straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to
    maximize
    > space is nothing but sarcasm.
    >
    > For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
    some
    > miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
    > necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
    under
    > the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same

    > door
    > I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
    canine/feline
    > attendance is not required.
    >
    > The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
    other
    > dog
    > or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
    >
    > Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
    on
    > the
    > front door:
    >
    > TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS :
    >
    > (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on

    > your
    > clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
    'fur'-niture.
    > (3)
    > I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.. (4) To you,
    they
    > are
    > animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy,

    > walk
    > on all fours and don't speak clearly.
    >
    > Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat
    less,
    > (2)
    > don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4)
    normally
    > come
    > when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with
    > drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear
    your
    > clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a
    > gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can
    sell
    > their children

  2. #2
    Senior Member 1st retriever's Avatar
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    Default

    Hilarious!
    Steph

    Brittany - Border Collie/Springer Spaniel CGC
    Meka- Basset/Aussie
    Zoe's Taller N Me - Zoe Irish Wolfhound 9/04/2004 - 11/20/2013 I love you Big Girl!
    Ember Raise The Bar CGC - Corona (a fluffy)
    CH. Justa Gingersnap CGC - Ginger Shiba Inu

    A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend pees their pants laughing and trips you again!

  3. #3
    Senior Member DogSquaw's Avatar
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    Default

    Great way to start the day. Thanks for sharing.
    If you dont want someone to get your goat
    dont tell them where you tied it up.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lady Duck Hunter's Avatar
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    half way between Cat Springs and Raccoon Bend - Texas
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    Default

    Really enjoyed that...and how true most of it is.
    When it stops being fun, I will find something else to do with my time and money.

    The Lady

  5. #5
    Member Bailey and Cappy's Mom's Avatar
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    Salt lake City, UT
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    Default

    That was great!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Blklab's Avatar
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    Missouri
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    Default

    Thanks for sharing, that was pretty good.
    HR Winter Hill's Smokin Ruby "Ruby"
    Blindfaith's Dream Trip "Stella"

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