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Thread: On the Light Side ... Political Jokes

  1. #21
    Senior Member Gerry Clinchy's Avatar
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    OK. I think I get it.
    Let me see if I understand all this....

    IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD
    LABOR.

    IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED
    INDEFINITELY.

    IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER, YOU GET SHOT.

    IF YOU CROSS THE TURKEYBORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR
    LIFE IN PRISON!

    BUT, IF YOU CROSS THE U.S.BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET:
    > A DRIVERS LICENSE
    > A SOCIAL SECURITY CARD
    > WELFARE
    > FOOD STAMPS
    > AND, FREE HEALTH CARE?

    Oh well sure. That makes perfect sense.
    G.Clinchy@gmail.com
    "Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none ever happened." -Libby Fudim

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  2. #22
    Senior Member Gerry Clinchy's Avatar
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    This one has been circulating for months. Please, keep it going!

    To show your SUPPORT for Obama's health care reform, please go the end of the list and add your name to the rapidly growing list below and send it on to your entire e-mail list.

    1. Nancy Pelosi
    2.
    G.Clinchy@gmail.com
    "Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none ever happened." -Libby Fudim

    ​I don't use the PM feature, so just email me direct at the address shown above.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Julie R.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerry Clinchy View Post
    This one has been circulating for months. Please, keep it going!

    To show your SUPPORT for Obama's health care reform, please go the end of the list and add your name to the rapidly growing list below and send it on to your entire e-mail list.

    1. Nancy Pelosi
    2.Harry Reid
    3. dnf77
    4. Roger Perry
    5. Yardley
    There. Fixed it for ya

  4. #24
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  5. #25
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    Bush jokes about new life




    Afp, New Delhi
    Former US president George W Bush stepped briefly back into the limelight on Saturday, using a conference speech in New Delhi to defend his record and to crack jokes about his retirement.
    Bush chose an annual gathering of business leaders in India, a country where his reputation rode high throughout his time in power, to make a rare public appearance nine months after leaving office.
    "I have a different life now," Bush, 63, said wryly. "I am an old, retired guy."
    Reflecting on how his status had changed, he said he recently visited a hardware store in Texas that had offered him a job as a "greeter" who stands outside to welcome customers.
    He said that inside the store a man came up to him and asked if anyone had ever told him that he looked just like George W Bush.
    Bush said he replied that it happened a lot, and the man said: "Gosh, that must make you mad."

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roger Perry View Post
    Bush jokes about new life




    Afp, New Delhi
    Former US president George W Bush stepped briefly back into the limelight on Saturday, using a conference speech in New Delhi to defend his record and to crack jokes about his retirement.
    Bush chose an annual gathering of business leaders in India, a country where his reputation rode high throughout his time in power, to make a rare public appearance nine months after leaving office.
    "I have a different life now," Bush, 63, said wryly. "I am an old, retired guy."
    Reflecting on how his status had changed, he said he recently visited a hardware store in Texas that had offered him a job as a "greeter" who stands outside to welcome customers.
    He said that inside the store a man came up to him and asked if anyone had ever told him that he looked just like George W Bush.
    Bush said he replied that it happened a lot, and the man said: "Gosh, that must make you mad."

    Okay, that's funny.

    Apparently, he turned down the position as door greeter because he couldn't negotiate enough paid vacation days.

    Sorry. Couldn't help it.

    Equal Opportunity Offender regards,

  7. #27
    Senior Member dnf777's Avatar
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    Bill Clinton was recently flying to a speech/fund-raiser when the pilots recognized him and invited him up to the cockpit. Being the affable guy he is, he ended up staying and cajoling with the pilots. The captian excused himself from the conversation to make an intercom announcement that they are at 30,000' and will be landing on time in a couple hours. He inadvertently left the mike open afterwards and their conversation turned to what they're going to do when the land. Bill said he wanted to take a huge $h!t after all day travelling, then "have his way" with the young flight attendant from the coach section of the plane. She, having heard this over the cabin speakers, ran forward to alert the crew that everyone could hear them over the speakers! She ran so hard she tripped and fell in the aisle. An elderly gentleman leaned over and said, "take it easy honey, he hasn't even been to the lav yet!"
    God Bless PFC Jamie Harkness. The US Army's newest PFC, but still our neighbor's little girl!

  8. #28
    Senior Member Richard Halstead's Avatar
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    In 1973 a Czech astronomer observed a comet speeding toward Earth and named was named after the discoverer Kohoutek. A lot of excitement about this deep cycle comet and was going to hsppen.

    Fast forward to the Novemer 2008 Presidentiial election with Barrack Obamma winning the election and the promise of the prsidency. Considerable celabration and fanfare followed. Not since the comet had there been such excitement.

    After one year after the election the same can be said for the comet and the President.

    Neither one were as bright as what we thought they would be.
    cave canem...beware of the dog
    Richard Halstead (halst001 at yahoo.com)

    http://www.browndogmafia.com/finalists.html

  9. #29
    Senior Member Evan's Avatar
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    After 10 months in office Barrack Obama has replaced his slogan of 'Hope & Change' with "Boy, this is freaking hard!"

    Conan O'Brian
    "Prepare your dog in such a manner that the work he is normally called upon to do under-whelms him, not overwhelms him." ~ Evan Graham

    “People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.”

    ― George Bernard Shaw


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  10. #30
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    SADDAM HUSSEIN MEETS GEORGE BUSH

    Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
    Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
    A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
    "Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
    Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"


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