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Thread: On the Light Side ... Political Jokes

  1. #31
    Senior Member Gerry Clinchy's Avatar
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    Maxine's Opinion ...
    Let me get this straight.

    ...we're going to pass a health care plan


    written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it,

    passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it,

    to be signed by a president that also hasn't read it and who smokes,

    with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes,

    all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,

    and financed by a country that's nearly broke.

    What could possibly go wrong?
    G.Clinchy@gmail.com
    "Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none ever happened." -Libby Fudim

    ​I don't use the PM feature, so just email me direct at the address shown above.

  2. #32
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    The Coded Message
    After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.

    Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

    370HSSV-0773H

    Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

    No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

    With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

  3. #33
    Senior Member Uncle Bill's Avatar
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    Who said..."Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too frequently they get elected!"

    Was he also the first to coin the phrase: "Jumping through hoops"?


    UB
    When the one you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Gerry Clinchy's Avatar
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    Here's one we can all laugh at (or weep?) Truly bi-partisan!
    If a man yells, "You Lie!" in a roomful of politicians,
    How do they know who he's talking to?
    ----------
    Good bumper stickers?

    If Al Qaeda wants to destroy America,
    They better hurry
    Before Obama beats them to it.
    ------
    Actually, no one owes you crap.
    ----------
    "Fairness" is not giving my money
    to lazy people.
    --------------
    Don't spread my wealth.
    Spread my work ethic.
    ---------------
    You think health care is expensive now?
    Just wait until it's free!
    ----------
    Try being informed,
    Instead of just opinionated.
    ---------------
    Government doesn't work.
    Please return my taxes!
    -------------
    G.Clinchy@gmail.com
    "Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none ever happened." -Libby Fudim

    ​I don't use the PM feature, so just email me direct at the address shown above.

  5. #35
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  6. #36
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    Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Last edited by Roger Perry; 11-24-2009 at 12:28 PM. Reason: double post

  7. #37
    Senior Member Richard Halstead's Avatar
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    The Obama motorcade was traveling to the site of his next health care speech. He spotted little Sally with a sign offering newborn kittens for Sale.

    The President thinks it might make a good photo opportunity, so he asks Sally about her kittens.

    Why they are all democrat, says Sally.

    Obama wants the press corps to get photos and hear the question.

    When the motorcade returns Obama sees Sally and the sign for kittens.

    What kind of kittens are for Sale?

    Sally responds Republicans and Independents.

    Obama starts to stutter, Wha Wha What you said Democrats yesterday!

    Sally says, But now their eyes are Open!
    cave canem...beware of the dog
    Richard Halstead (halst001 at yahoo.com)

    http://www.browndogmafia.com/finalists.html

  8. #38
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    George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.
    "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
    Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
    Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
    "You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
    The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
    Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.
    "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
    The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
    Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
    Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."

  9. #39
    Senior Member Gerry Clinchy's Avatar
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    Campaign Sign:

    Fight organized crime:
    re-elect no one
    G.Clinchy@gmail.com
    "Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none ever happened." -Libby Fudim

    ​I don't use the PM feature, so just email me direct at the address shown above.

  10. #40
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    The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
    We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
    **********************

    America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
    **********************

    Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
    A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
    **********************

    Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
    A: A fund raiser.
    **********************

    Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
    A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
    The other is for housing prisoners.
    **********************

    If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and It started to sink, who would be saved? .... America !
    **********************

    Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
    A: Bo has papers.

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