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Thread: Politics and family matters

  1. #1
    Senior Member luvmylabs23139's Avatar
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    Default Politics and family matters

    How does one keep the peace in the family as I have been requested to do by my mother who is in her 70's when there is absolutely no way I will accept my brother's new wife who as far as I am concerned shoukld not be allowed into the country.
    I have few details as everyone knows I oppose anyone getting into the country on a fiance visa.
    My brother just got some chinese into the country and he just married her.
    I have not and will not meet her. We live in defferent states.
    This really sucks!

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    Senior Member BonMallari's Avatar
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    If I may offer this bit of family advice...dont let your personal morality or political values come between you and a family member...I have seen it happen in my family but with the subject being a gay nephew marrying his lifestyle partner..the jokes might make you snicker and smile but the tension at family reunions and the occasional misspoken barb escalates into nose to nose name calling and irreparable hostilities..try and find some common ground for all concerned
    All my Exes live in Texas

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    Senior Member YardleyLabs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by luvmylabs23139 View Post
    How does one keep the peace in the family as I have been requested to do by my mother who is in her 70's when there is absolutely no way I will accept my brother's new wife who as far as I am concerned shoukld not be allowed into the country.
    I have few details as everyone knows I oppose anyone getting into the country on a fiance visa.
    My brother just got some chinese into the country and he just married her.
    I have not and will not meet her. We live in defferent states.
    This really sucks!
    As every parent learns along the way, you must accept your child's choice for a life partner or lose your child. The same is true for all other family members. By rejecting your brother's choice of a spouse, you are rejecting your brother. If you want to know the source of the split, look in the mirror. It is completely legal for a person to enter the country to marry a citizen and completely moral as well. My daughter married a British citizen who is now naturalized. I helped many of my staff to bring their fiances into the country so they could marryand I was happy to do so.

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    Senior Member dnf777's Avatar
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    You are who you are, and others are who they are. YOU can choose to accept them or not. Trying to change others to meet your standards of acceptance rarely has good outcomes.
    God Bless PFC Jamie Harkness. The US Army's newest PFC, but still our neighbor's little girl!

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    I could not reject my brother due to something that, in the grand scheme of things, seems a little petty. Are you really that staunch in your beliefs that you are willing to hurt your own brother and make yourself look like an ass in the process?

    I am completely, 100% opposed to abortion, but if a family member decided to have one, I would still claim them and associate with them, as they are blood.

    You can believe what you want to believe, but your beliefs are not justification for treating someone badly. Which is worse: Having a foreign spouse or rejecting your own flesh and blood over something seemingly small?


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    Last edited by ducknwork; 04-21-2011 at 06:21 PM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member luvmylabs23139's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YardleyLabs View Post
    As every parent learns along the way, you must accept your child's choice for a life partner or lose your child. The same is true for all other family members. By rejecting your brother's choice of a spouse, you are rejecting your brother. If you want to know the source of the split, look in the mirror. It is completely legal for a person to enter the country to marry a citizen and completely moral as well. My daughter married a British citizen who is now naturalized. I helped many of my staff to bring their fiances into the country so they could marryand I was happy to do so.
    Hey, if he married a Brit, it wouldn't phase me in the least. He and I both have American and British citizenship. Kind of complicated, involving Dad working for the UK gov't and being transferred to the US many years ago and basically doing the same job. But he married a communist!
    I worry that she used him to get into the country.

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    Senior Member dnf777's Avatar
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    I don't know ANY details, but maybe, just maybe, he loves her? And maybe, just maybe she loves freedom as much or possibly more than you do, being from an oppressive country? So Brits are ok, but not Chinese? How about Italians? Polish? Eastern Europeans? I'm not sure that you're looking for advice (Retriever Forum seems like an odd place for family counseling) as much as looking to receive validation of prejudices you seem to be struggling with. Only place you're likely to find answers is in the mirror, like was mentioned.
    God Bless PFC Jamie Harkness. The US Army's newest PFC, but still our neighbor's little girl!

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    Senior Member Buzz's Avatar
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    Over the years, I worked with several engineers that came from communist countries. Over-all, they seemed to be by far more patriotic than nearly any natural born American I'd ever met. My guess was that they had a greater appreciation for this country than those who have never known anything else.
    "For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." -- Luke 12:48

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buzz View Post
    Over the years, I worked with several engineers that came from communist countries. Over-all, they seemed to be by far more patriotic than nearly any natural born American I'd ever met. My guess was that they had a greater appreciation for this country than those who have never known anything else.
    Kinda like a pound puppy or a previously abused dog? They make GREAT pets. They do seem to really appreciate what they have.
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    Last edited by ducknwork; 04-21-2011 at 06:21 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member luvmylabs23139's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dnf777 View Post
    I don't know ANY details, but maybe, just maybe, he loves her? And maybe, just maybe she loves freedom as much or possibly more than you do, being from an oppressive country? So Brits are ok, but not Chinese? How about Italians? Polish? Eastern Europeans? I'm not sure that you're looking for advice (Retriever Forum seems like an odd place for family counseling) as much as looking to receive validation of prejudices you seem to be struggling with. Only place you're likely to find answers is in the mirror, like was mentioned.
    As far as anyone in the family knows he had spent a total of 2 weeks (2 one week escapades actually in her presence both in that commie country. So you tell me, real love???? I highly doubt it.
    Of course it doesn't help the situation that I am really good friends with his Ex of more than 10 years!

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