...what's IN that healthcare bill.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCareTM:
- Under CompromiseCareTM, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.
- Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.
- You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.
- States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
- You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.
- You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.
- A patient will be considered "pre-existing" if he or she already exists.
- You'll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
- Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is "Lieberman."
- You will have access to natural remedies, such as death.