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Thread: New Jokes -

  1. #1
    Senior Member J Hoggatt's Avatar
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    Default New Jokes -

    Subject: FW: obama-pelosi jokes from Late Night TV

    The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate. America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. -Leno

    Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
    A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. -O'Brien

    Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
    A: A fund raiser. -Leno

    Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
    A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. -Letterman

    Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
    A: America ! -Fallon

    Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
    A: Bo has papers. -Kimmel

    Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
    A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. -Letterman
    Attributed to Ben Franklin-
    "Don't Argue with Stupid People..... They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience!"

    "When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid."

    "Arguing with Idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon..... No matter how good you are, the bird is going to sh$t on the board and strut around like it won anyway."

  2. #2
    Senior Member Koolaid's Avatar
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    I don't know why those are attributed to late night talk show hosts. I'm fairly confident that isn't the sources of them. Also I think I've read those on here before, so they aren't exactly new. Last time there were no names to the "quotes" though...

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    A friend sent this one to me with no name attached as to authorship.
    I know it isn't very nice but the present state of our nation makes me
    feel really un-nice.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Years ago when I sometimes used unsavory language, I used the expression "BullS***."

    As I grew up a bit and discovered it was not necessary to use such crude language, that expression became "BS."

    What did I really mean when I used those expressions? I meant that something was ridiculous, or idiotic or a half truth or just stupid. It covered any number of negative formats. The dictionary defines it as: nonsense; especially: foolish insolent talk...

    I have decided that I no longer will use either of those expressions in the future. When I have a need to express such feelings, I will use the word "Pelosi."

    Let me use it in a sentence. "That's just a bunch of Pelosi.." I encourage you to do the same. It is such a nasty sounding word, it really packs a punch, we are no longer being vulgar, and it clearly expresses our feelings. If enough of us use it, perhaps the word could be entered into the dictionary. When on a ranch watch your step and don't step in Pelosi. It will get on the bottom of your boot and won't go away until next election.

    What a fitting and descriptive legacy for the Speaker of the House!

    Do not break this chain or you will get more Pelosi than you can shake a bull at.

    P.S. Betcha when this new word reaches D.C., the PELOSI WILL HIT THE FAN!

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    Senior Member Gerry Clinchy's Avatar
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    Today, if Dorothy were to encounter
    Men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage -

    She wouldn't be in Oz...

    She'd be in Congress!
    G.Clinchy@gmail.com
    "Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none ever happened." -Libby Fudim

    ​I don't use the PM feature, so just email me direct at the address shown above.

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    Senior Member road kill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koolaid View Post
    I don't know why those are attributed to late night talk show hosts. I'm fairly confident that isn't the sources of them. Also I think I've read those on here before, so they aren't exactly new. Last time there were no names to the "quotes" though...
    So??
    Now we have a joke Police??????



    rk
    Stan b & Elvis

  6. #6
    Senior Member dnf777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by charly_t View Post
    A friend sent this one to me with no name attached as to authorship.
    I know it isn't very nice but the present state of our nation makes me
    feel really un-nice.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Years ago when I sometimes used unsavory language, I used the expression "BullS***."

    As I grew up a bit and discovered it was not necessary to use such crude language, that expression became "BS."

    What did I really mean when I used those expressions? I meant that something was ridiculous, or idiotic or a half truth or just stupid. It covered any number of negative formats. The dictionary defines it as: nonsense; especially: foolish insolent talk...

    I have decided that I no longer will use either of those expressions in the future. When I have a need to express such feelings, I will use the word "Pelosi."

    Let me use it in a sentence. "That's just a bunch of Pelosi.." I encourage you to do the same. It is such a nasty sounding word, it really packs a punch, we are no longer being vulgar, and it clearly expresses our feelings. If enough of us use it, perhaps the word could be entered into the dictionary. When on a ranch watch your step and don't step in Pelosi. It will get on the bottom of your boot and won't go away until next election.

    What a fitting and descriptive legacy for the Speaker of the House!

    Do not break this chain or you will get more Pelosi than you can shake a bull at.

    P.S. Betcha when this new word reaches D.C., the PELOSI WILL HIT THE FAN!
    Actually, you could substitute just about ANY member of congress and get the same effect. Boner is the same color as BS, so I nominate him!
    God Bless PFC Jamie Harkness. The US Army's newest PFC, but still our neighbor's little girl!

  7. #7
    Senior Member road kill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dnf777 View Post
    Actually, you could substitute just about ANY member of congress and get the same effect. Boner is the same color as BS, so I nominate him!
    Uhhhhh, I think it was about Pelosi, if watering it down makes it easier for you, OK, but Pelosi is the Queen!!


    I am learning that when the leftys here start by using "actually," it means they are about to "SPIN!!!!"


    rk
    Stan b & Elvis

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