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Thread: The Man Rules Humor Non Political

  1. #1
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    Default The Man Rules Humor Non Political

    The Man Rules
    Atlast a guy has taken the time to write this all down
    Finally,the guys' side of the story.
    (
    I
    must admit, it's pretty good.)
    We always hear
    the rules From the female side.
    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
    ON PURPOSE!
    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem
    only
    if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
    other one


    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT
    need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
    Acolor. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We haveno
    idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will
    be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really
    .


    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
    or
    NASCAR .

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape.
    RoundIS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.




  2. #2
    Senior Member Juli H's Avatar
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    Default

    ha ha ha ha.... very funny!

    you forgot one thing though.

    I'll let you figure it out.
    God answers prayers all the time. Even the ones we don't know we asked. God is Good (always)

    "There are only two ways to live your life.
    One is as though nothing is a miracle.
    The other is as though everything is a miracle."

    - Albert Einstein

  3. #3
    Senior Member YardleyLabs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Yardley, PA
    Posts
    6,639

    Default

    My daughter-in-law (an attorney) replies:

    The hypothetical Female response:

    1. Men are NOT mind readers. CLEARLY.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
    If we leave the toliet seat down and you forget to put it up, you just pee on the toilet seat. If you leave the toilet seat up and we forget to put it down, we fall INTO THE TOILET. This one's non-negotiable.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    Women and desire for clothes and shoes (see below): It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    Don't make us cry.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    Okay: we want you to make sure the toilet seat is kept down (see above).


    1. Come to us with a problem only
    if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    Hey, problem solver, my problem is you can't seem to keep the toilet seat down. (see above). How's about we solve that one?

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    Truth knows no time limits.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    If you insist that you're not fat, but you're gut is pouring out of your pants, you probably are.



    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


    You can either do it right the first time, or prepare yourself to be corrected. We can't help it if we're just better.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

    Whenever possible, please step away from the television set. Or computer. Or xbox.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT
    need directions and neither do we.
    Christopher Columbus thought he was in India when he landed in America. That man DID need directions. And so do you.


    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.


    If you scratch in public, you will be judged. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    If we ask you if you are lost and you say no, we will demand that you ask for directions. We know you are lying.


    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really
    .


    When we have to go somewhere, absolutely any shirt with wrinkles or holes is not fine... Really.


    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a
    color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
    idea what mauve is.


    It's okay. We accept that we are better. (see above)

    1. You have enough clothes.

    You have enough gadgets.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    Your shoes smell like death.

    1. I am in shape.
    Round IS a shape!
    And mauve is a color.

    1. Thank you for reading this. You're welcome.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Enjoy it, boy scout.

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