The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons

him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa

showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an

extravagant lifestyle and no full-time

employment, Which you explain by saying

that you win money gambling.

I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says

Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay.

Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars

that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says,

'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand

dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind,

so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his

good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has

wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's

attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks

'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can

stand on one side of your desk, and pee into

that wastebasket on the other side, and never

get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now,

but he looks carefully and decides there's no

way this old guy could possibly manage that

stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips

his pants, but although he strains mightily,

he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket

on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all

over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has

just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts

his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning,

when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for

an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars

that he could come in here and pee all over your

desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!