The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons


him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa



showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an



extravagant lifestyle and no full-time


employment, Which you explain by saying


that you win money gambling.


I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says



Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay.



Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars



that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says,



'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.



The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand



dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind,



so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his



good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has



wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's


attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks



'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can


stand on one side of your desk, and pee into


that wastebasket on the other side, and never


get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now,



but he looks carefully and decides there's no


way this old guy could possibly manage that


stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips



his pants, but although he strains mightily,


he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket


on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all


over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has



just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts



his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning,



when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for


an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars


that he could come in here and pee all over your


desk and that you'd be happy about it!'



I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!