The RetrieverTraining.Net Forums The Retriever Academy
Total Retriever Training with Mike Lardy
Hawkeye Media Gunners Up Tritronics Outdoor Media
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Metaphor Madness

  1. #1
    Senior Member huntinman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    7,134

    Default Metaphor Madness

    Saw this humorous column today. he hits the nail on the head. Ever since the Tuscon shooting the media has gone nuts tripping over themselves and this points it out to a T...

    Metaphor Madness

    By Tom Purcell

    “Now that I've had a chance to think about it, I probably could have used a different metaphor.”

    “This is going to be good. Please explain.”

    “I've been coaching our high school's basketball team for a long time. We don't have the most talented kids, but we have the most heart. I've developed quite a knack for firing them up before big games.”

    “Firing up?”

    “We were about to play our archenemy in our biggest game of the year -- but our kids wouldn't get the lead out. They should have been warming up, but instead sat around, shooting the breeze.”

    “That's no good.”

    “I understood why, though. They were still shellshocked over the loss we suffered a few days before. That game was murder.”

    “Shellshocked! Murder!”

    “Well, they figured I was going to console them, but I came at them with both barrels blazing. I told them point-blank that they were at fault for the loss. They were not prepared and went off –“

    “Half-cocked?”

    “That's right. I called out my guard for having an itchy trigger finger -- he'd rather shoot than pass and he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a bazooka.”

    “Oh, my goodness.”

    “Well, after I shamed them a while, I figured it was time to start building them back up. I told them we're bloody but unbowed. Then I threw down the gauntlet. I told them it was no time to retreat; it was time to –“

    “Reload?”

    “That's right. We needed to bite the bullet, after all. We had a real pitched battle ahead of us. Our opposition had a lot of weapons. If we had any hope of beating them, we had to draw first blood.”

    “How did the game go?”

    “Son of a gun if we didn't annihilate our archenemy! We started slow in the first period, but our kids stuck to their guns. The momentum shifted our way. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. But that's when my metaphors got me into trouble.”

    “Trouble?”

    “I assembled our kids after the game. I praised them for their excellent play. I told them the rest of the season was up to them -- it was a shot in the dark, but if we didn't shoot ourselves in the foot, we might make the playoffs.”

    “And that got you in trouble?”

    “One kid's father overheard my speech. He's had me in his sights all year and finally had a clear shot. He complained to the school that my metaphors were vitriolic. He complained to the police that I was inciting violence. I was suspended as a coach and the cops may press charges.”

    “In these highly sensitive times, it might be a good idea to choose your metaphors more carefully.”

    “That may be true. Nobody ever accused me of being a great orator or choosing the best metaphors. Still, they're just metaphors. But apparently weak-minded people think we're too stupid to understand what metaphors really mean? Really? Have you ever seen anyone shoot fish in a barrel?”

    “A fair point.”

    “Everything is backward, if you ask me. In the process of trying to attribute rational, political motives to a crazy man, people in the media and political arena make themselves look, well, crazy. Now they're afraid to use such metaphors at all. They're missing the target. They need to take more careful aim.”

    “You can't help yourself with the metaphors, can you?”

    “Not by a long shot.”

    ©2011 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, a freelance writer is also a humor columnist for the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate. For more info contact Cari Dawson Bartley at 800 696 7561 or email cari@cagle.com. Email Tom at Purcell@caglecartoons.com.
    Bill Davis

  2. #2
    Senior Member BonMallari's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    LV/CenTex/Idaho
    Posts
    12,691

    Default

    thats funny because I use many of those metaphors on a daily basis..
    All my Exes live in Texas

    Quote Originally Posted by lanse brown View Post
    A few things that I learned still ring true. "Lanse when you get a gift, say thank you and walk away. When you get a screwing walk away. You are going to get a lot more screwings than gifts"

  3. #3
    Senior Member huntinman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    7,134

    Default

    Thats the whole point. Shows how idiotic the msm is making it out to be.
    Bill Davis

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Eastern NC
    Posts
    2,755

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by huntinman View Post
    Have you ever seen anyone shoot fish in a barrel?”
    This sentence made me lol...

  5. #5
    Senior Member JDogger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    MRGV New Mexico
    Posts
    3,438

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ducknwork View Post
    This sentence made me lol...
    never, ever....? shot a sittin' duck?

    Just askin', ya know.

    I know, I know, shoot'em in the eyes/lips...Did you send that sprig to be mounted?

    JD
    One cannot reason someone out of something they were not reasoned into. - Jonathan Swift

  6. #6
    Senior Member M&K's Retrievers's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Royse City, TX
    Posts
    5,197

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JDogger View Post
    never, ever....? shot a sittin' duck?

    Just askin', ya know.

    I know, I know, shoot'em in the eyes/lips...Did you send that sprig to be mounted?

    JD
    HEY! BANG! regards,
    M&K's HR UH Tucker of Texoma JH
    M&K's SHR Prime Black Angus
    M&K's Miss Jessie Girl JH
    Sir Jacob of Lakeview-Jake
    Freeway JYD

    Mike Whitworth

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Eastern NC
    Posts
    2,755

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JDogger View Post
    never, ever....? shot a sittin' duck?

    Just askin', ya know.

    I know, I know, shoot'em in the eyes/lips...Did you send that sprig to be mounted?

    JD

    A waterswat always beats a skunk. I could post a picture on here of what a waterswat did to a bluebill a couple weeks ago, but there might be those who disapprove. Talk about head raking... But, in relevance to the post, I have never shot fish in a barrel.

    Dropped the pintail off at the taxi last night. Unless I find a job pretty quickly, I can only afford to have one of the birds that I dropped off this year mounted, so he might have to wait until next year.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •