How to ask, what can you Do about limited mental ability

[gdgnyc]

Ken,

Thank you for your post. I have avoided this thread because it made me so angry that I was afraid of what I would post. I have decided to post my personal experience.

Several years ago before I moved back to my hometown I shopped at a local grocery store that employed a challenged employee. He always made me a little uneasy but mainly it was my fault because he wasn't like me. The first time he carried my groceries out I gave him a small tip. He was in disbelief that someone would do that for him. It made me feel bad that I felt uneasy in the first place for such a kind and genuine human being.

The next time I went to the store he switched with the high school bagger to bag my groceries. I thought well I guess he wants the tip. We got out to my truck and I pulled out my money and he refused to take it and gave me a hug. I cried on the way home for being such a sad cynical person to doubt his intentions.

I miss the hug I used to get when I shopped there........he had the milk of human kindness in his soul.

Tim, I was touched by your story. Where I shop, they give the mentally disabled jobs bagging groceries. I will give them conversation, thank them, wish them a nice day. And I would never complain about their mistakes. If I would do anything, I would tell them personally what I thought. And I agree with Tim Carrion 100%.

[Ken Bora]

Well this thread has went a different direction than I would have thought it would. I guess we should have made it plain who we were talking about...........those who are not dangerous and those who are. And where each one could fit in.

when you see this feller baggin' eggs at the stop&shop,
we can come back to this and make it plain. Until then,
what in Luvies OP could make anyone think danger?

.

[luvalab]

when you see this feller baggin' eggs at the stop&shop,
we can come back to this and make it plain. Until then,
what in Luvies OP could make anyone think danger?

.

I guess I wasn't thinking "danger" so much as "discomfort."

I was in retail for a long enough time--as a manager, I would rather have a customer complain and then I could choose to ignore the complaint or work on it my own way rather than not have the customer complain and just leave, or maybe worse, complain at the wrong level and take it out of my hands.

But your answer is still better, I do believe.

[mjh345]

If shunning those with limited mental ability were my goal, then I wouldn't respond to this thread

[Golddogs]

I hope she has the mental acuity to consider it......

One can always hope...........


Carl was a kid that lived behind and up the street from us. Carl was different. Not sure if it was Downs or just mentally challanged. As a kid, I would see him playing in his yard, he lived next to a friend of mine, and would always wave. We waved back. Carl lived with his mom. As he got older, Carl would ride his bike, a 3 wheeler, around the neighborhood picking up trash ( he had a big basket behind his seat). As he got even older. Carl tricked out his bike with slow vehicle signs, streamers, stickers and expanded his world. It was not uncommon to see him miles from home, riding his bike, picking up others trash and cans. Years after I left, when I came over to see my Mom, I would see Carl and say hello and he would wave. I would see him all over, on his bike, being Carl.
A couple of years ago, there was an article in the St.Paul paper about Carl. He still rode his bike, but now, he had good job and had saved enough to buy a house. He was soo proud.
I am proud and humbled to to know Carl and hope others meet a special person like him to be kind to and watch grow. I am glad I was raised to be kind to others and thus got to experience Carl.

[BonMallari]

I wish I could post a warm fuzzy story but I cant, because I had an incident with a mentally challenged person that could have ended in a not so good way.

I was working at a golf driving range in SoCal in the shop selling golf clubs and doing some simple golf club repair in exchange for unlimited golf range time. Well along comes this rather large man who asks me where his golf club is, I had no idea what he was talking about since I had no previous dealings with him. When I turned to walk away from him the guy put me in a headlock from behind. He outweighed me by a good fifty lbs and then some. The guy could have snapped my neck like a twig but I was able to grab a nearby golf club and whack his shin which caused him to let go..by then help had arrived in the form of one of the golf pros

The range was owned by a former police officer and I was adamant about pressing assault charges, but it was apparent that I was not going to get the backing from the owners since this man was the "local town Lenny" (of Mice and Men by Steinbeck). I was fuming and quit on the spot, the event shook me up for a couple of weeks, but it also shows that there are people out there that can be dangerous even though you think they wouldn't hurt a flea..

In today's world had the same type of event happened and had I been armed..well you draw your own conclusion

[charly_t]

Bon, I'm with you. We have had a lot of contact with retarded etc. people. We know one man whoes "people" ( including the experts ) say he is not dangerous. He loves attention and will do anything to get it. It is my belief that someday he will hurt someone badly with one of his attention getting escapades. His family has money and have constantly rescued him in the past. Then there is the retarded guy who works at the video rental place who tried very hard to run over an older friend of mine. She has since died but at that time she was very unsteady on her feet but doing her own errands etc. I'm sure she was correct and he thought it would be fun to "bump" into her. It's the judgement that many of these people are lacking. Luvy felt threatened I'm sure. Most people should pay attention to these feelings. My grandaughter has had many retarded friends over the years and some of them are a hair away from doing something dangerous. People who only saw her for a short space of time never knew her. They just thought that they knew her ( including the "experts" ). She finally spent time with people who found out she could get mad. The thing that bothers me is that many people are unkind to those with retardation and cause more problems for them. If the retarded are required to work with or around unkind people it just makes then act that way also. They may see it as acceptable behavior. They need to be protected as much as we do of course.

[duk4me]

I wish I could post a warm fuzzy story but I cant, because I had an incident with a mentally challenged person that could have ended in a not so good way.

I was working at a golf driving range in SoCal in the shop selling golf clubs and doing some simple golf club repair in exchange for unlimited golf range time. Well along comes this rather large man who asks me where his golf club is, I had no idea what he was talking about since I had no previous dealings with him. When I turned to walk away from him the guy put me in a headlock from behind. He outweighed me by a good fifty lbs and then some. The guy could have snapped my neck like a twig but I was able to grab a nearby golf club and whack his shin which caused him to let go..by then help had arrived in the form of one of the golf pros

The range was owned by a former police officer and I was adamant about pressing assault charges, but it was apparent that I was not going to get the backing from the owners since this man was the "local town Lenny" (of Mice and Men by Steinbeck). I was fuming and quit on the spot, the event shook me up for a couple of weeks, but it also shows that there are people out there that can be dangerous even though you think they wouldn't hurt a flea..

In today's world had the same type of event happened and had I been armed..well you draw your own conclusion

Heck Bon he was just giving you a hug.

Two things, First I would have pressed charges anyway he needed to be exposed and secondly did he ever get charges filed on him by someone later.

All our experiences are different I guess and I'm sorry that yours was so negative. Steinbeck, my favorite author btw.

[BonMallari]

Bon, I'm with you. We have had a lot of contact with retarded etc. people. We know one man whoes "people" ( including the experts ) say he is not dangerous. He loves attention and will do anything to get it. It is my belief that someday he will hurt someone badly with one of his attention getting escapades. His family has money and have constantly rescued him in the past. Then there is the retarded guy who works at the video rental place who tried very hard to run over an older friend of mine. She has since died but at that time she was very unsteady on her feet but doing her own errands etc. I'm sure she was correct and he thought it would be fun to "bump" into her. It's the judgement that many of these people are lacking. Luvy felt threatened I'm sure. Most people should pay attention to these feelings. My grandaughter has had many retarded friends over the years and some of them are a hair away from doing something dangerous. People who only saw her for a short space of time never knew her. They just thought that they knew her ( including the "experts" ). She finally spent time with people who found out she could get mad. The thing that bothers me is that many people are unkind to those with retardation and cause more problems for them. If the retarded are required to work with or around unkind people it just makes then act that way also. They may see it as acceptable behavior. They need to be protected as much as we do of course.

Exactly and therein lies the Catch 22....they are just as much a danger to themselves as they are to others, because they may not realize that fire is hot,or that strange dogs do bite,or that there are some sick demented people out there that will do hideous and vulgar things to them, such as video tape them fighting or other despicable acts....

the mentally handicapped are defenseless in may ways, they don't realize how much harm they can do if left unsupervised...But we as a society turn a blind eye...

My SIL' older brother has been institutionalized since he was in grade school and now he is in his sixties, we worry that he may outlive his entire family and have no one to oversee his welfare...
He is one of those gentle souls who has NEVER hurt anyone, was always great with his nephews/nieces but could never fully take care of himself...

Unfortunately not quite sure what the solution is to solving the nation's problem with the mentally ill is. We cant lock them all up, cant turn them all loose, cant keep throwing money at the problem...and unfortunately it seems that all we do as a society is turn our heads and look the other way

[charly_t]

I don't see any good answers so far. The "sheltered" work shops and the group homes have advantages. I don't know about the costs to run ( etc. ) these places. When we visited the group homes and looked into that cost it was reasonable but that was about 16 years back. We visited one of the Dale Evans group homes for females and it looked good at that time. I do not like what I hear about the co-ed group homes.
Both sexes have been abused by other residents ( and staff ). Whistle blowers often lose their jobs in these places and things don't get taken care of. We as tax payers pay for round the clock care in single apartments for some people and they get abused at times. In our state some foster homes get about $1000. per person ( per month ) for looking after the people who are retarded. One lady has 4 or 5 men in her care. One family that I heard about ( husband and wife ) earn a sum of about $8000. per month. I have no idea about the number of children that they have. I do see an ad for foster parents for an independant agency and the pay was at least $1000. per month. Personally I don't see how a person could care for a retared person for that amount. I have no idea how much we spent on the grandaughter each year that we kept her ( family members did not get any money back then when caring for a child ).