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Thread: How come no Friday Funnies anymore GDG

  1. #1
    Senior Member JS's Avatar
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    Oct 2003
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    Default How come no Friday Funnies anymore GDG

    A minister in Oregon was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,

    'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

    With even greater emphasis he said,

    'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

    And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said,

    'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

    Sermon complete, he sat down...

    The Choir Master stood, very cautiously, and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing hymn, we will sing Hymn 365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
    “Don’t wave your phony patriotism in MY face! If you really love America, open your wallet and hire an American kid to build what you buy. Think of all our problems that might solve.” Doug Fraser (paraphrased) 1980

    Real Americans buy American.



    Snowshoe's All American Guy SH, UDX, WCX ... CODY ... at the bridge
    CH. Snowshoe's Girl Crazy MH, UD, WCX, SDHF, OS ... PRESLEY
    ... at the bridge
    Millpond's Baby Boomer MH*** ... BABE
    Snowshoe's Crazy For Lovin You SH ... NELSON

  2. #2
    Senior Member Jeannie Greenlee's Avatar
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    Default

    LOL, heeheehee
    Jeannie Greenlee

    Blazinlakes Legally Blonde CDX JH NAJ RA WC OD (1st Retriever)
    HRCH Smokingold Guns Up CCA WCX CD MH
    https://sites.google.com/site/smokingoldretrievers/home

  3. #3
    Member
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    Lady brings her parakeet to vet not sure what's wrong with it. Gets in to see vet and vet tells her your bird is dead. She's not convinced. Vet calls assistant to bring in a cat from the back of office. Cat comes in scans it over and sniffs bird and leaves nose up as if to say its dead. Lady is still not convinced. Vet asks assistant to bring in a labrador from back of office to check out the bird. Lab comes in sniffs the bird and shakes his head as if to say sorry the bird is dead. Lady is finally convinced and receives her bill for the vets services and is shocked to see it is over $400. Aghast she asks why so much to examine a dead parakeet ? Vet tells her it was due to the cat scan and lab work

  4. #4
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    As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so ...the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

    I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

    I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

    And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

    Apparently, I’m still lost…

  5. #5
    Senior Member jerrod denton's Avatar
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    There was a 13 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, ‘I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I’m not leaving until I do.’The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, ‘Do any of the girls have any diseases?’ Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, ‘I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT’S the girl I want!’Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.The Madam stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?’He said, ‘Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught.Wh en Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he’ll jump her bones, and he’ll catch the disease.Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease…and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!

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