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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her... "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.."

"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my backyard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."


Whiz tax regards

Bubba
 

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Subject: DONT STEP ON THE DUCKS
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
"We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on; very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" :lol:
 

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Ken, that right there was funny......... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

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Bubba had been going to the Texas A&M University for 11 years and just couldn't graduate. One day, the dean of students calls Bubba in to his
office and says, "Bubba, we're going to give you the opportunity to
graduate. In a month, at half time of the homecoming football game, we
are going to bring you out on the field and ask you one question. If you
get it right, you get your degree. If you get it wrong, you have to go
home without it and not come back."


Bubba agreed to this and ran off to start studying. He studied night and
day for a month. Finally the day came. It was a special day with
homecoming and Bubba's shindig. The whole stadium was packed with A&M>>students and alumni, all waiting to see how Bubba would do. The dean stepped up and said, "Bubba, are you ready for your question?"

Bubba said he was.

The dean said, "Bubba, what is 3 X 3?"

Bubba thought about it for about ten minutes and then finally stepped up
to the microphone and said, "9?"

Before the dean could respond, thousands of the Texas A&M students and
alumni jumped up and yelled, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!"
 

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese." "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?" "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden and the Lab and says:
















"Liver alone. Cheese mine."
 
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