[Kenneth Niles Bora]

My Dear RTF Friends,

This is a hypothetical question. Any similarities to actual events are coincidence. Say you know a family. Know the father and mother like your own. Went to school with the kids. Share the same hobbies. Then say you and the father get into the retriever game at the same, both choosing "Minority" breeds. Your friends dog goes far in the show game and gets a CH while having fun in NAHRA tests before getting hit by a car. Your friend searches far and wide for a pup of the same minority breed and finds a "Hot" litter. He is just starting it's field training. Running NAHRA started and one duck season under the pups belt and then suddenly your friend dies. Now the widow is alone with the dog. Kids gone, big house, she is wanting to move on. Dogs training is at a standstill and you have not stopped by as often as you should have to help her with the dog. The dogs training has regressed with the widow to the point that the dog can never be off lead. Will not come when called. Now it is a good dog. Stylish, likes to retrieve, not fat. It has been neutered by the widow in hopes that it would improve it's obedience. Now you and I know that obedience work improves obedience but that is nether hear nor there, it's done. Now this dog is a handful for regular RTF folk like you and I for sure. It is way more than a handful for the widow. The dog is miserable, she is miserable, and you are feeling guilty for "Letting it happen"

Now You are a well known member of the RTF family. Active in your local retriever club and a familiar face at the other clubs in your circuit. Would you reach out with your name recognition, contacts in your region and internet ability and try and find a home for this dog? To respect the memory of your friend it would need to be a hunting home. Best case scenario a hunting home that ran hunt tests as well. Or would you leave well enough alone knowing the dog is a living memory of the late husband for the widow. And knowing that the dog issues could be managed by the widow if she just applied some time and effort.

Would you place this dog? Or not?

Ken Bora

 

[FOM]

I'd talked to the widow and she what she wants to do....

 

[Guest]

I'd talked to the widow and she what she wants to do....

I agree. The first thought that comes to mine is that the hypothetical "you" takes the dog for a few weeks or a month, polishes up it's OB into overkill mode and does a few lessons with the widow IF the widow wants the dog.

If the widow doesn't want the dog, then help place it.

IF it's happening because the widow NEEDS HELP and WANTS to keep the dog, there's one course of action. If she's at her wits end and would rather the dog go, that's another course of action.

So first step is to find out which of those is true...

 

[hhlabradors]

I'd talked to the widow and she what she wants to do....

I agree.

Me three.

If she wanted the dog placed, or even if she could relatively reasonably be talked into it, yes, I would absolutely help place the dog, perhaps offer to help her find a more suitable personal companion.

But if she is absolutely against it, I'd offer to tune up the training, maybe acquaint her with the use of an ecollar (assuming the training had been done on the dog!) and do all I could to support her.

 

[Tim Carrion]

I'd talked to the widow and she what she wants to do....

She may want the dog for companionship.
I've heard rumors that some of those "minority breeds" do that very well! :wink:

Tim

 

[luvalab]

Pardon the echo, but...

I'm assuming she's an adult???

Why not talk to her???

 

[DKR]

Didn't vote

But agree first thing to do is find out what she wants to do.

Make the assumption you have, she doesn't know what to do. I'd offer to help with the tune up to let her see if it is manageable for her. Go from there.

 

[Kenneth Niles Bora]

So, how about every time you talk to her she says "You want another dog?" Sometimes in jest, sometimes for real. How about you are sure that if you indeed found a hunting home she would give up the dog in a second. But you still wonder, is it the right thing to do? The widow has the late husbands rolodex, has all the contacts she needs, obviously could have placed the dog on her own by now, if in her hart she really wanted to. Should you, by your actions, work to place this dog?

 

[hhlabradors]

You should be honest and call the question. "You know, he IS a lot of dog... If you're serious, I really do know of someone who would LOVE to have him. I think he'd be very happy to be back working birds, if you'd be able to give him up."

Many times, people are either looking for guidance or just need "permission" to say what they want to say.

Either way, I wouldn't do a thing until she committed to giving up the dog.

 

[Guest]

A straightforward discussion usually does the trick. What's the point in "guessing" based on her jesting?? Just ask her. What's with the avoidance? do you want to spend a lot of time placing a dog that's not your's only to find out she doesn't want it placed?

If the hypothetical "you" is feeling guilty, TELL HER and let her know "you" are here now and are willing to do what you can to make it right and either: a) help her enjoy her dog and that piece of her husband or b) help her find a great home for the dog where she can enjoy that the dog is doing what her husband worked so hard to train it to do....

-K

 

[Kenneth Niles Bora]

Just ask her. What's with the avoidance?

-K

Maybe you worry it is not you place. That is more of what this is about.

 

[Kevin Hannah]

Just ask her. What's with the avoidance?

-K

Maybe you worry it is not you place. That is more of what this is about.

If it's not your place she may tell the hypothetical you that it's not your place. Your concern seems to be for both her and the dog, ask her if she wants some help. That help could be with some OB and some lessons or that help could be in placing the dog.

I agree with Kristie and others, talk to her and just ask the questions.

Kevin

 

[Margo Ellis]

Ken,
Just come out and ask her what she would like. If you need help I know of a person over in this direction that raises that Minority breed and is doing some field work. Let me know if I might be able to help.

Good luck, I am sure the best thing for the dog will come out of all this.

 

[Miriam Wade]

Just ask her. What's with the avoidance?

-K

Maybe you worry it is not you place. That is more of what this is about.

Ken-

I'm as guilty here as you are & should have stopped by a lot more too. It's just hard to do when you can't really get past the loss of your training buddy. You & I don't agree on many things, but I know you feel the same on this one.

At first-I did ask about her placing the dog, but she wanted him because he was such a big part of "his" life. (I almost should use his name-this isn't disguised at all.)

I have a month or two before Finny comes home. I've been borrowing dogs left & right & would happily spend some time with this dog. I also have friends with the same "minority breed" who would know someone wanting a dog of this caliber. I remember when he was a young pup training at Irish Hill & telling "him" "Here's the dog you've been waiting for" -not knowing how it all would go

Personally-I think he needs & deserves an active life-he has/had potential-with NO disrespect to "his" widow. She's a wonderful person & I am sure loves the dog.

I'm sure that you are raising some eyebrows with this post & I'll have :roll: in my direction too for posting, but I don't care. This is a worthwhile question.

M

 

[mcderrylabs]

help placing dog

I would ask the woman first, then place the dog via your contacts if thats what is agreed upon. If she is lonely and companionship is needed how about helping her find a more quieter older pet needing a loving home.?

 

[Bruce MacPherson]

I say ask the question. I'm sure you can do it in such a way that it dosen't seem intrusive or out of place. She might be relieved to have the option.

 

[Kenneth Niles Bora]

I say ask the question. I'm sure you can do it in such a way that it dosen't seem intrusive or out of place. She might be relieved to have the option.

Unfortunately the hypothetical me has much of the same subtlety and tact as the real me :wink:

 

[FOM]

Well instead of asking about placing the dog, ask if she would like to join you for training once in a while. Don't talk about removing the dog, but rather helping her with the dog - could be a win-win situation.

Removing the dog may not be the answer, maybe her jesting is a hint that she wants and needs help with the dog now that her husband is gone but she doesn't know how or can't bring herself to ask for help - keep in mind she has had her husband there prior to be by her side - now things aren't as easy as they use to seem with him gone - it is amazing how much strength we gain from our significant others when they are with us and just how hard it is when they aren't.

Heck, she may just want some excuse to get out and train the dog, you never know she might by the a great handler/trainer....

FOM

 

[HarryWilliams]

To answer a question with a question: What would he have wanted? HPW

 

[hhlabradors]

Unfortunately the hypothetical me has much of the same subtlety and tact as the real me :wink:

LOL! We could write a script for you. :wink: