[Josh Conrad]

thought some on here could use a little humor tonight.

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work
boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans,
A copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more
ammunition.

Back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up real bad.

I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the
blood."


PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

 

[Lady Duck Hunter]

That's funny and probably more real than you think...

A bunch of years ago I went through a bad divorce. The aftermath of which was that I didn't feel safe in my own house. I had a friend who made me a deal on a handgun. Now I had grown up with rifles, my dad taught me how to shoot when I was a little kid, down in the creek bed shooting at tin cans and cereal boxes, but I had never fired a pistol and wanted to got take some target practice and get comfortable with the gun. So my friend took me to meet a Georgia Bounty hunter. And I had a ball shooting my gun a little 32 automatic behind his shop in the country.

For my first volly he said don't think about the target, Just empty the gun as fast as you can. So I did and when the smoke settled, I had a tight grouping slight low and left of center. He calmly said, " Well, that man's dead." I started laughing and I had a really enjoyable afternoon ending with him handing me his chrome 45 revolver. I popped off the first round of that and thought WOW! that feels really good. I didn't buy one though.

When the session was over, he took down all the targets and handed them to me. He said I should strategically place them around the house, where they were in plain view of the entrances. I took his advice and my ex becamea lot more civil after he saw them the first time. But the funny part was when I started dating. Guys would glance over at the table by the front door and say, oh, who shoots? I'd casually say I do, and some would actually swallow hard. It was pretty funny actually.